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Dick Pics Fully Loaded

We’ve all gotten them or sent them a time or two. Being a product of the Information Age, sometimes it was a bit too much information. Once they put cameras inside cell phones it was over. Tit clicks, Dick pics, vulva …pulvas ? Moving on—

—everyone has experienced their share of dick pics, but how many of us has gotten or sent one with professionalism? How many of us has decorated our man’s member or received a photo of a cock that was so well dressed you wanted to properly ask it out to dinner?

The closest I’ve come was putting a $.25 mini football helmet on the head and saying “Hut, hut!”   There was also the mini Darth Vader helmet too*… Nevermind that though.

Soraya Doolbaz, a New York photographer, has made a name for herself taking pictures of the male genitalia dressed up in various costumes. Dick meets quirky. Dirky! Soraya calls it the Dicture Gallery. Check it out below.

Dick Pics meet Artful Photography

Get your dick pics up, gentlemen!

 

*The force was strong in that one. 😉

 

Notso Fatso

Dear Sex Sez,

Over the last year I lost like 60 lbs. I’m proud of myself and have been getting attention from the opposite sex. Not used to it but have been enjoying myself. There’s this girl that used to make fun of me sometimes. Not like a lot. But enough that it stuck with me sometimes. I wasn’t cooped in the house fat, I was just chubby with extra meat. So now that I’m doing better for myself she’s been hitting on me. I have always liked her but was out of my league. Can I date her you think?

Notso Fatso

 

Dear Notso Fatso,

Congrats on your recent weight loss! It takes a lot to stay motivated. New year, new you! With that said maybe you should try new romantic obstacles. I can’t say I know much about the girl you’re considering dating, but making fun of anyone’s weight is really uncool. Maybe she’s a nice girl, but I don’t think it’s worth getting hurt over to find out. Try getting to know her better as a friend, if you feel like you must be with her. 60 pounds is a lot of weight to lose & it’s great that you’re lighter now but she shouldn’t get rewarded for insulting you when you were heavier. I say find someone else who’s never hurt your feelings and see where that goes.

–JJ // Sex Sez

 

Lettin’em Down Easy

We’ve all been there. It’s one of the more uglier sides of relationships, flings, Jump-Offs, and “just messin’ arounds”; ENDING IT!

How does one do it? If you have any sort of a heart it isn’t really an easy task. No one enjoys being rejected* and rejecting someone is pretty awkward in itself too. Anytime you have two people seeing one situation two different ways, you have to go deeper & begin to break it down.

The Breaker-Upper has to explain why they feel the need to end things, meanwhile the Breaker-Uppee has to explain why they feel the relationship, (in any capacity), is worth keeping.
For some people, it’s just as easy as saying “I’m not into this anymore. I wish you the best of luck. Goodbye.” For others they can project memories of their own rejection and fear putting that on someone else then totally dread breaking up. Or worse, NEVER break up.** With all of these spectrums, where do you fit in?

Your level of maturity and overall respect for the other person will depend on how you handle break-ups. It could also be the terrain of the relationship. So if your time spent together wasn’t neccesarily a bad time, breaking up with that person may be a little bit harder. There might even be some uncertainty also.
However, if your time spent was rockier or asinine in any way, breaking up with that person may be easier or even enjoyable you sick fuck. 😉

Either way, ending things with someone should always be respectful, as honest as you can be, and as calm as you can be. Preferably curse free.
Understandably though, there  are those times when ‘calm’ break-ups just isn’t an option. It happens. It happens to us all. And no matter which side of the coin you’re on, both people involved remember it. Ha! Maybe even shudder at the thought from time to time, but hopefully have moved onto better people and aren’t harboring ill feelings.

Always remember that it sucks to be dumped. It’s basically another person telling you to your face*** that you aren’t good enough. And it isn’t that you aren’t good enough as a whole, you just aren’t good enough.. For… Them… Hmm? Maybe I need to rethink this one, but while I do that, chew on this;

When breaking up with someone, do it the way you’d want it done to you. S’all I got for now.   Spread love.

 

 

 

*With an except of a small few. (Weirdos – I kid, I kid)

**Those are the really sad cases because the person never lives up to their full romantic potential.

***Or sometimes via text, email, phone. (Cowards)

 

 

Kiss Me

Kiss me so tender, with lips that delight.
A kiss to remember, my heart takes flight.

A kiss that is nothing but purest bliss.
A kiss that is something more than this.

So kiss me again, and breathe me deep.
Kiss me unfringed, as my body weeps.

Kiss me in the dark, without making a sound.
Kiss me in my heart, like forever is now.

 

 

Stella & The Chair

Stella opened the door to the dark room. Her hand still on the knob, she enters with an exhale. Stella hadn’t felt excitement like this in a very long time.

She could see the chair in the distance. It was waiting for her to place her warm ass upon it… and wait.

She gripped the knob tighter before releasing it and closing the door. It was quiet. Cold. Nothing but the chill in the air and a constant dripping from the rain outside.

Stella wondered where he was. Maybe he was already there. Watching her. She couldn’t feel him though. As she approached the chair she began to undress, leaving a trail of forgotten garments in her wake. Finally pulling off her panties, Stella began thinking of all the ways she’ll be pleasured later. Soon.

Her nipples were hard against the slight winter breeze. There was a broken window from their last encounter. It was a wild one with their hungry warm bodies against the cold pane glass. The thought gave Stella a cozy chill. She stared at the chair contemplating touching herself. She wanted to wait for him, but maybe she shouldn’t keep herself waiting.

She circled the chair gently, her fingers dancing lightly on the back of it. It was a simple chair. Nothing much to it. Stella liked the sturdy, thick wood. The sound it would make when she’d thrust and the wooden legs would knock against the concrete floor. Or the fap sound of her bare, wet ass slapping the slightly contoured seat. Yeah, she remembered it all. And she wanted it all over again.

Stella swallowed hard, fighting the urge to put her fingers between her legs. She felt a heartbeat in her clitoris growing wilder and wilder. And with some sucking and nibbling of her bottom lip, she sat slowly and began to chain her ankles up to the attachments placed at the bottom of the chair.

The chains were cold steel against her heated hands, but the ankle cuffs were soft, fuzzy, and red. There was enough chain for her legs to spread as wide as he could get them. Or as high. Sometimes the chains would slap against her entire body, like parallel strokes teasing her canvas.
Stella was lusting heavy. She wanted him to arrive and cure her of the firery desire that enfolded her body.

She removed the blindfold from its Velcro home, under the chair and placed it over her eyes. The chains were making a quiet clanking sound, arousing Stella’s memories once again.
Oh how wet she got when she could hear nothing but the sounds of her own moans and the loud rattling of chains against the chair. She loved it when he fucked her that hard. Her knees would be sore, but it was an erotic reminder that Stella wore proudly. Sometimes even kneeling on them while she masturbated for enhanced pleasure.

The last memory sent Stella’s fingers rushing to her anxious pussy. With her index and middle finger circling her opening counter clockwise, and her thumb giving a loving stroke to her clit, she realeased a hungry sigh.

At that moment she heard him speak, “Bad girl.”

Stella’s head jolted straight.

“No one gave you permission…” he said with his voice coming closer.

Stella’s breathing got heavier as she felt him draw near. With the blindfold on she could only hear where he was, and that turned her on very much.
The waiting. The yearning. The fact that he had waited for her; Spicer! Nothing else mattered to Stella when she was in that chair. Even the dripping outside seemed to cease. All she felt was him. All she wanted was him.

She licked her lips preparing to speak, but he silenced her with a soft ‘Ssh’. She couldn’t hear his foot steps anymore, but certainly still felt the power of his sexual presence. Stella wondered what he would do to her first. Maybe some licking between her legs until she begged for him to finish her. Maybe some teasing. It all was teasing to her. From the moment she would leave the chair to the moment she returned back to it. To him.   Like an excited school girl, she sat patiently but would fidget in the chair.

And then, his warm breath crept over her left clavicle. Her hairs rose to attention. And then the warm bath of his tongue stretching from her shoulder to her ear, where he paused. He grabbed handcuffs from under the chair and restrained her wrists one by one. Kissing each hand as he did so. Her breath by now has turned from gentle breathing to heavy panting. She could feel the moisture between her legs building, readying the chair for the fapping sound she loved.

Stella could feel him circling her, but not touching. His air demanded attention. His thoughts she could feel inside her body, yet never knew which way he’d surprise her. She felt him kneel in front of her, sliding the cold chains around her shins. His soothing breath drew closer to the inside of her knees, traveling down the hallway of her thighs.

“You’re mine now.”

 

 

Hot AND Cold In Cleveland

Dear Sex Sez,

I’m in my 40’s and have been divorced for two years now. Happily single & mingling for the first time since my 20’s has been fun. I ran into an ex from college (pre-marriage/pre-babies), he & I started talking & eventually got back to old habits. He was always one of my favorite exes,  & he’s great in bed STILL! Call me crazy, he wants to be official with me & I still would like to play the field. Don’t know what to do, really don’t want to pass him up, with our past an all. But I don’t think I’m ready to settle down again after being consumed in one marriage for so long.

Hot & Cold In Cleveland

Dear Hot & Cold in Cleveland,

(Kudos for the show reference.)
I think you’re in an okay position. You have history with this guy, which means you know each other. So being honest with him shouldn’t be difficult. Simply explain to him the way you explained it to me. You’re aware that he’s a great guy and a nice catch, but it wouldn’t be fair to you or him to start a relationship that you aren’t sure you can give your all to. That’s how people get hurt, and there is no shame in not being certain on what you want. Better to be openly unsure than going with it and hurting him later. He should understand and respect that. In the meantime, maybe you two can continue a casual relationship until you’re more sure. Good luck.

 

–JJ // Sex Sez

Cheater, Cheater, Can I Have Her Back-eater

Dear Sex Sez,

I was with this girl for a little over a year. It was my first serious relationship, and I ended up screwing it up. Cheated on her in November and haven’t had much contact with her since then. We talk a lot more now, trying to stay friends, and in the time since then I messed around with other people but none of them make me feel as happy as she does. I want to try and get her back, but I don’t know how to go about it. Can you help?

 

Dear November Guy,

Wish I had more details on your relationship with this girl to give you an accurate response. Not sure how old or young you two are, but infidelity at any age still sucks. If she’s been talking to you lately and working on rebuilding a friendship, I wouldn’t make a move to get her back just yet. There’s still a lot of trust that needs to be reinforced, and bringing up reconciling may only confuse her, maybe even yourself as well. I suggest you work on the friendship and see where that goes. You want to be absolutely certain that your messing around is out of your system, ’cause if you hurt her again you may never repair the friendship this time.  Be patient and wait for it to happen organically.

Sex Bucket List

Not everyone can be sexually liberating all the time. Sex can take on different forms for different people, especially if they were raised to shame their sexual desires. Some people are late bloomers, some people are an amazing lay in bed, some people are still virgins! But much like life, sex also has a list that the average human with a beating heart should definitely experience. If not just for the thrill alone.

So with that said, take a gander at the Sex Bucket List and see how many YOU have checked off… Or how many you intend to.
Keep in mind, the list varies in sexual preferences. Maybe engaging in same-sex activities isn’t your twist. These are just suggestions.

Yours truly has personally checked off 46 various acts out of 50 from the list. 😉

 

SEX BUCKET LIST

1. Have a threesome.
2. Masturbate.
3. Have phone sex.
4. Have cyber sex.
5. Kiss a girl. (Member of the same sex)
6. Dirty talk during sex.
7. Have anal sex. (Wear a strap-on)
8. Use vibrating toys during sex.
9. Tie someone up & be tied up.
10. Participate in an orgy.
11. Kiss a random person without warning.
12. Experiment with S&M/BDSM. (Take turns w/ Dominant & Submissive roles)
13. Committed love sex. (Feels so much better when you know it’s yours)
14. Try every position featured in the Kama Sutra book.
15. Have sex inside a car. (More points if someone else is driving)
16. Have sex on a boat.
17. Making out for ten minutes before having sex.
18. Have sex in a foreign country or another state. (Maybe with a local)
19. Have sex in a public area.
20. Have quiet sex in a full house.
21. Sex in/near water.
22. Sex out in nature. (Forest, park, beach)
23. Blindfold someone, then be blindfolded.
24. Oral sex. (Licking of the ass is also recommended)
25. Have drunk or drug altered sex.
26. Use ice and fruit during oral sex. (Pineapples & melons recommended)
27. Have sex with someone much older. (Still sexually attractive)
28. Have sex with someone much younger. (Legally “young” is advised!)
29. Play a strip-poker or strip-card game.
30. Play underwear Twister with invited friends.
31. Cook and eat foods that are a sexual aphrodisiac.
32. Have sex with a skirt on/Do her with her skirt on.
33. Send naughty or suggestive photos to him/her all day.
34. Try role-playing.
35. Spanking. (Hands or soft leather paddle)
36. Have sex on the stairs. (Careful!)
37. Have over the top, loud sex.
38. Sex up against the wall.
39. Have sex in a friend’s bathroom without their knowledge.
40. Have a one-night stand.
41. Morning sex.
42. Middle of the night sex.
43. Sex with no kissing.
44. Road head.
45. Read or write erotica to/with/for each other.
46. 69ing while camping.
47. Order sexy garments for each other.
48. Watch porn together.
49. Make a sex video together.
50. Order and receive Sex Sez’s Love Jar for daily sex assignments & motivating quotes.

So gon’! Start crossing off your list!

Sexy Whispers

Feel my breath, as I say these words to you.
Raising your hairs, making you come unglued.

I can feel your warmth, so close to your skin.
I want to stain you in my red lips, and cover you in my sin.

Hear these words, but feel them too.
The lust beckoning inside of me and you.

I’ll take your hand so you can feel me wet.
Remember these words, don’t ever forget.

I want to touch you too, and return the heat given.
All steamy-eyed and completely sex-driven.

Full fourplay in the house of your Sexy Institution.
Pleasuring you always–that’s every New Year’s Resolution.

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