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Fucking Advice

Too Soon For Love?

 Dear Sex Sez,

When is it too soon to tell someone you love them?

Curiouso

 

Dear Curiouso,

Honestly I’m not sure it ever really is too soon. It’s a strong emotion, and the word has gotten tossed around casually, but if you’re a secure person that knows yourself and how your mind (and heart) works – why not express it? You should obviously assess the situation before spouting it out. Then again, that works for certain people.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, so I’m all about saying what I feel. Within reason, of course! Don’t wanna be hurting anyone’s feelings. Let your heart be your guide. As cheesy as that sounds, it works when you stop thinking so much and just.. Do. Or in youor case; Say. When your heart speaks, listen. It knows what it’s doing.

– JJ // Sex Sez

Notso Fatso

Dear Sex Sez,

Over the last year I lost like 60 lbs. I’m proud of myself and have been getting attention from the opposite sex. Not used to it but have been enjoying myself. There’s this girl that used to make fun of me sometimes. Not like a lot. But enough that it stuck with me sometimes. I wasn’t cooped in the house fat, I was just chubby with extra meat. So now that I’m doing better for myself she’s been hitting on me. I have always liked her but was out of my league. Can I date her you think?

Notso Fatso

 

Dear Notso Fatso,

Congrats on your recent weight loss! It takes a lot to stay motivated. New year, new you! With that said maybe you should try new romantic obstacles. I can’t say I know much about the girl you’re considering dating, but making fun of anyone’s weight is really uncool. Maybe she’s a nice girl, but I don’t think it’s worth getting hurt over to find out. Try getting to know her better as a friend, if you feel like you must be with her. 60 pounds is a lot of weight to lose & it’s great that you’re lighter now but she shouldn’t get rewarded for insulting you when you were heavier. I say find someone else who’s never hurt your feelings and see where that goes.

–JJ // Sex Sez

 

Hot AND Cold In Cleveland

Dear Sex Sez,

I’m in my 40’s and have been divorced for two years now. Happily single & mingling for the first time since my 20’s has been fun. I ran into an ex from college (pre-marriage/pre-babies), he & I started talking & eventually got back to old habits. He was always one of my favorite exes,  & he’s great in bed STILL! Call me crazy, he wants to be official with me & I still would like to play the field. Don’t know what to do, really don’t want to pass him up, with our past an all. But I don’t think I’m ready to settle down again after being consumed in one marriage for so long.

Hot & Cold In Cleveland

Dear Hot & Cold in Cleveland,

(Kudos for the show reference.)
I think you’re in an okay position. You have history with this guy, which means you know each other. So being honest with him shouldn’t be difficult. Simply explain to him the way you explained it to me. You’re aware that he’s a great guy and a nice catch, but it wouldn’t be fair to you or him to start a relationship that you aren’t sure you can give your all to. That’s how people get hurt, and there is no shame in not being certain on what you want. Better to be openly unsure than going with it and hurting him later. He should understand and respect that. In the meantime, maybe you two can continue a casual relationship until you’re more sure. Good luck.

 

–JJ // Sex Sez

Cheater, Cheater, Can I Have Her Back-eater

Dear Sex Sez,

I was with this girl for a little over a year. It was my first serious relationship, and I ended up screwing it up. Cheated on her in November and haven’t had much contact with her since then. We talk a lot more now, trying to stay friends, and in the time since then I messed around with other people but none of them make me feel as happy as she does. I want to try and get her back, but I don’t know how to go about it. Can you help?

 

Dear November Guy,

Wish I had more details on your relationship with this girl to give you an accurate response. Not sure how old or young you two are, but infidelity at any age still sucks. If she’s been talking to you lately and working on rebuilding a friendship, I wouldn’t make a move to get her back just yet. There’s still a lot of trust that needs to be reinforced, and bringing up reconciling may only confuse her, maybe even yourself as well. I suggest you work on the friendship and see where that goes. You want to be absolutely certain that your messing around is out of your system, ’cause if you hurt her again you may never repair the friendship this time.  Be patient and wait for it to happen organically.

Move On

Dear Sex Sez,

I’m a broke, recently heartbroken guy who can’t seem to get over my last girlfriend. She was perfect in every way and I doubt I’ll be able to find someone who makes me feel half as good as she did. I just want to know what I can do to get over her. I can’t meet anyone new if I don’t go out, and I don’t go out because I can’t afford to. Tried the online thing, no luck plus its awkward and costly.

Want To Move On

 

Dear Want To Move On,

Getting over people is definitely one of the harder things to do in life. You grow with someone, and unfortunately sometimes that can lead to one person growing in a different direction. All you can do in situations like this is try to move on. How do you do that? “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.” While that saying may seem promiscuous to some, it’s certainly affective. Sleeping with someone new may not fill the heart void of emptiness, but it takes the mind off of the problem*, and builds new confidence in the process.

I know in order to sleep with a new girl, you must take them out and buy them dinner — why don’t you try some of the Trendy hook-up sites? Have fun with it, not every experience merits awkwardness. Try to be natural, people on those sites are looking for the same thing you are usually. Remember that.

If casual sex and random hook-ups doesn’t help you forget about your ex, try getting a hobby. It sounds silly but a new hobby can really take on a life of its own and maybe even point you in a direction to meet new people who have similar interests. Good luck and remember; not every relationship is the final one. There are several levels to beat before reaching Bowzer. 😉

 

*for the moment at least.

 

JJ // Sex Sez

Insecurity, Stinky Perfume

Dear Sex Sez,

Shoud I worry about my boyfriend cheating on me with another girl if he laughs at everything she says? Anytime we hang out and she’s around it’s like he doesn’t pay me any mind. They don’t see each other often and she’s a family friend, so I thought maybe the history makes them close, but he doesn’t even invite me in their conversations.

Worried Girlfriend

 

Dear Worried Girlfriend,

I believe you solved your own problem. It’s good that you’ve acknowledge obvious points that explain why he and her have such a bond; family friends go way back. Added to the fact that they don’t see each other a lot, you’re going to end up being excluded from time to time. While I’m not condoning the behavior of cutting people out of conversations, you do have responsibility as an adult to get yourself involved as well. Or, you can respect their relationship and give them some time to catch up. Trust is a big deal, and if your guy knows that you’re giving him personal space with his long time friend, (male or female) I’m sure he’ll be appreciative.  Instead of thinking he’s cheating on you, focus on why you think that in the first place. Maybe you feel insecure or inferior around this woman because of the attention she gets from your boyfriend. Think about it this way; if they wanted to be together, don’t you think it would’ve happened by now – them being life long friends and all? They obviously don’t have those feelings for each other. You have him, own it. Confidence is the best outfit one can ever wear.

JJ / Sex Sez

2nd Opinion/2nd Chance

Dear  Sex Sez,

Am I allowed to date my friend’s ex if they dated for a year two years ago? She broke up with him, sort of/not really broke his heart, but he’s happy and engaged to someone else now.

Second Opinion

Dear Second Opinion,

Thanks for including who left who, because I would’ve wondered and probably asked. It feels like a weird math equation, but what I think it all equals to is; Yes, why not? Life is short and if you and this girl found your way around to meeting each other again, a failed relationship from the past shouldn’t stand in your way. Depending on how close of friends you are with this guy, maybe run it by him. Not in a manner where you’re asking his permission, (since he’s engaged he really shouldn’t have much of a say), but more of an informative manner. Try to be sensitive since she was the one to leave him, and hope no bitter feelings linger. If he’s truly over her, he should be fine. Good luck.

–JJ / Sex Sez

Confused & Casual

Dear Sex Sez,

My best guy friend is seeing a girl that wants to wait until marriage to have sex. She’s sweet, but very out of touch with reality. He isn’t the type to wait very long for sex and it’s been six months already, yet he hasn’t cheated on her and has been patient. Right up until recently. He’s been telling me how he feels like he’s going to crack soon and I jokingly suggested he and I have a couple rounds in bed to take the edge off. We’ve always had some sexual tension, as I’m a pretty attractive girl and we’ve known each other for years now. I get the feeling he’s interested in my offer, but what happens if we fall for each other? Am I a bad person for even mentioning it? It really was half joking and half serious but now I don’t know which half is more true.

Confused & Casual Sex

Dear Confused & Casual,

Having had a majority of male friends in my life, I understand how sexual tension can arise from time to time. You have to put sexual tension in its place and ask yourself would your friendship survive the casual sex? How would you feel if you two crossed that line and he DIDN’T fall for you? Are you the type of girl that can go back to being just friends? What about being around the girlfriend afterwards? These are just things to consider, which I’m sure you have. I wish I knew a little more about the players in this equation, but going off instincts I’m going to say until you’re more certain about which half you meant, the truth or the joke, don’t make a move on him. And you shouldn’t allow him to make a move on you either until you’re sure.

If your friend is the type of guy not to wait long for sex, the fact that he has waited 6 months or is at least trying to stay celibate for his girlfriend must mean that he likes her, no? You shouldn’t mess with that. I get the wanting to ease his sexual yearning and maybe even scratch that curiosity itch, but if his yearning isn’t for you all you’re being is a temporary distraction, a temporary void for which he will fill. Is you friendship strong enough to fight through the potential awkwardness if you made this choice?

Dog’gonnit

Dear Sex Sez, 

My boyfriend is really mean to my dog. I told him to stop mistreating her, nothing serious just yelling & scaring her for no reason. She’s an old dog. Sometimes he’ll shove her if she’s passing by or tease her with food. It upsets me and I don’t know how else to tell him without coming off like a goody goody. 

Dear Dog’gonnit,

I’m guessing or at least hoping you and your boyfriend are still very young, if he’s that immature, he’d damn well better be. Someone once told me you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat children, the elderly, and animals — young or not, he shouldn’t disrespect your dog that way, especially if it’s against your wishes and you’ve voiced this before. Don’t worry about coming off as anything but a concerned and caring dog lover. Even if he isn’t physically hurting your dog, you’re uncomfortable with the way he treats her and that should be enough. He should respect you enough to know when to knock it off. I hope this isn’t a reflection of the rest of your relationship, but if it is, cut him off now. If he’s worth putting up with, make it perfectly clear that you won’t stand for you or your dog to be disrespected. And if he can’t comprehend that, you will find someone else who will. Short and sweet.

— J // Sex Sez

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