Sex Sez…



October 2015


Spread yourself over me, I want to feel your heat.

Kiss me with those eyes, knock me off my feet.

Breathing down my neck. How can I compete?

When sensual kisses turn to nibbles & you use your teeth?

Yes, I can feel it growing inside my chest.

A sensation dutifully planted; you aren’t like the rest.

Goosebumps rising. Landing on your breath.

Whispers rolling downward, resting on my breasts.

Oh the things you do to me, eyes rolling back.

Bending at the spine, breaking on contact.

Such a gentle grip paired with a forceful smack.

I smile as you watch the meat jiggle around my pretty crack.

Yes, I see your pleasure & trust that it’s all mine.

What a lovely pairing, when pain & pleasure combine.

Sexy restraints – it’s so enticing when I’m confined.

Pushing me to my brink, passionately losing my mind.

Anchor My Love

Relationships are work. Hard work. The easiest part of love is falling into it, implying that it happens by accident or suddenly. For some, falling in love may not be so easy, but something that all relationship-goers can agree on is the staying in love part. Easy to start, difficult to maintain. One day you can’t keep your hands off them and another day down the line you want to sit on the opposite couch for space.

So what is one to do when you feel stifled by the very thing that once brought you joy and happiness? You rebuild it. Think like a mechanic; localize the problem, pop that bad boy open and make some adjustments. I understand for some this is easier said than done, but at least make the effort. Try, the key word is try to show your other that you’re still in the ring with them and you’re willing to fight to keep them.


Here are some tips for maintaining a healthy and bicker-free relationship.

1) LISTEN! If your significant other is telling you what they want or things you can do to improve things around the house/relationship, don’t just hear what they’re saying, actually listen. Make a mental note to improve that area. Don’t just nod your head in agreement, waiting for the conversation to end, because if you don’t fix it now you’ll just be having another conversation/argument yet again over the same thing that could’ve been avoided had you listened the first or fourth time.

2) EXPRESS YOURSELF. Maybe you’ll take your spouses’ desires & needs seriously if you make some of your own. One respects the other, and both needs get met. Figure out the areas of your relationship you’d like to see improved and tell them to your partner in a blame free manner.

3) FRIENDLY FIRE. Often times through expressing oneself you can knick a nerve or two in your spouse, evoking a sleeping (or not so sleeping) demon or memory from the past. When this happens we have to try to remember that we cannot place blame or anger on someone based on their emotions alone. The heart feels what it does and no one should be prosecuted for it. If we get into the habit of tearing down things someone said they felt, that person will eventually learn to stop sharing & communicating. And that is no bueno at all.

4) DEFENSIVE STRATEGY. It’s also important not to strike back out of a place of anger. I know it isn’t always easy when you have metaphorical bullets whizzing by your head and you’re in the trench that was once your love nest. But that is how conversations turn into arguments, when the couple is finger-pointing and passing blame. Understandably, it gets hard to keep track of what action caused which reaction that lead to the thing that made trust an issue or what-have-you. Stay calm. Stay focused. Listen, reeaallly listen, then respond accordingly.

5) DAY TO DAY HOOPLA. Sometimes the best way to break up the monotony of the work week is to do or go somewhere different. We have a responsibility as individuals to keep our mental health up; take a different way to work, get your nose out of your phone and look around–maybe you’ll see a new restaurant to take your love to. Stop reading and think! Think about ways to put a smile on his/her face and actually do it. Plan a dinner or a surprise lunch. Drink some beers and play a game. Whatever you do, just do something! There are points in effort and if you can show your spouse that you’re listening & at least attempting to try, the rest should come together nicely.

Rough patches, it honestly happens to the best & strongest of couples. If you’re in a relationship worth keeping, you’re going to be tested. Every relationship is, hell, even flings go through their artificial ups & downs. Platonic friendships too.

What makes the couple is how they decide to handle it once it does happen to them. How you proceed when faced with a problem is and has always been the anchor of a relationship. Love too, but after a while love only takes you so far, that’s why the anchor has to stay strong so the vessle does not drift away. 😉


Dear Sex Sez, 

My boyfriend is really mean to my dog. I told him to stop mistreating her, nothing serious just yelling & scaring her for no reason. She’s an old dog. Sometimes he’ll shove her if she’s passing by or tease her with food. It upsets me and I don’t know how else to tell him without coming off like a goody goody. 

Dear Dog’gonnit,

I’m guessing or at least hoping you and your boyfriend are still very young, if he’s that immature, he’d damn well better be. Someone once told me you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat children, the elderly, and animals — young or not, he shouldn’t disrespect your dog that way, especially if it’s against your wishes and you’ve voiced this before. Don’t worry about coming off as anything but a concerned and caring dog lover. Even if he isn’t physically hurting your dog, you’re uncomfortable with the way he treats her and that should be enough. He should respect you enough to know when to knock it off. I hope this isn’t a reflection of the rest of your relationship, but if it is, cut him off now. If he’s worth putting up with, make it perfectly clear that you won’t stand for you or your dog to be disrespected. And if he can’t comprehend that, you will find someone else who will. Short and sweet.

— J // Sex Sez

True Romance

They watched each other from afar but neither was aware of the other’s eyes. It was funny how they danced around denial. Her always busying her hands with deeds, and him constantly involving himself with conversation. Anything to avoid talking with her, anything to avoid face to face eye contact.

Something always happened when they spoke to each other. A spark. A feeling that maybe timing was off sync with fate. Like the possibility for eternal happiness was right there in between them when they faced, and all they had to do to attain it was move closer.

He fought the urge to investigate his feelings and she ignored the urge she knew to be certain. Something was there. The unmistakeable-yet-so unfamiliar warmth of belonging and being gotten. They saw it in each other. They felt it in each other, but disregarded it all the same.

And that was the extent of their distant love. So close yet, so so far.

The Love Jar

A friend of mine is getting married today! Exciting stuff. While some people avoid marriage like the plague, others choose to embrace the human right of passage with open arms and love. I suppose it has to do with your outlook on love and relationships orrrr if you were strong-armed into it, but usually it’s all candy and fairies, at least in the beginning it’s supposed to be.

To help the newlyweds along I’ve created a little something I’ve been calling “The Love Jar”. It’s made to keep the first three months* of marriage exciting and fun.


Not only limited to newlyweds, The Love Jar is great for rekindling romance at any stage in a relationship. Great for Anniversaries, Just Because, or a random flare of spontaneity.


The Love Jar has approximately 90-160 notes held within the sturdy mason jar. Marked with hearts, you won’t be able to read its contents until hand-picked and opened. While the notes are only suggestions, couples are encouraged to make the assignments their own. With your own creative embellishments and The Love Jar, the day to day routine WILL NOT be dull at all.

To purchase The Love Jar ($20-$40 shipping included) for you or a special couple you know contact me at // Custom suggestions welcome // Choose from The Love Jar PG-13, R, and XXX.

*Varies with Love Jar purchase.

Autumn Love

Green leaves shedding its life, turning from orange to red.

Beautifully complimenting the sky, the colors that bled.

Cinnamon sparks the smell of the apple cider.

Wrapping around the fuzzy quilt, sitting beside the fire.

Watch as the flames lick and crack before our eyes.

Sipping on the warmth, yet feeling chilly to my surprise.

Give me your arms, let them enfold a shivering me.

Having the fire inside now, ’cause you don’t feel what I see.

Respect My Sensitive Pigskin

Dear Sex Sez,

Been married for about 11 years now. Majority of my marriage has been better than most, but in recent years have felt like I’ve lost or am losing the respect of my wife. She used to respect that Sundays & Monday are Man Days for football, beer and friends but lately since this football season has started she doesn’t seem to care. Scheduling family members to stay with us, dragging me to church. Almost intentionally making me miss the games. Also, I mentioned how I was interested in taking a painting class and she laughed at me saying why should we waste money. I may be a more sensitive man, but a man all the same and I don’t appreciate my wife, who’s supposed to support my happiness treating me like less than I am. How can I claim my respect back?


Dear Blue42,

Because I don’t know the exact dynamic of the relationship, specifics may be a little difficult to recommend, but how about this; take your wife out for a nice dinner, or maybe even a fancy brunch before your teams play on game day. Sometimes you have to remind people that they’re still important to you. I’m not suggesting that your wife is intentionally acting out and that’s her way of trying to get your attention, albeit an annoying way, but maybe she’s subconsciously doing it. Show her that you still care about her, more than the pigskin and scoreboard. And while you’re out with her explain how her laughing at your potential hobby made you feel.

Women aren’t the only ones who are sensitive and females need to respect that more. You get what you give, and maybe it’s time you both looked in the mirror to remember that. Maybe your wife would be interested in painting with you? New experiences should always be fun, and if not fun, at the very least something to laugh at later. Turn your 11 years into eleven more, and then some. Hope I helped.

— J // Sex Sez

The Bigger Picture

They had sat there for some time, analyzing one another and still fuming from their disagreement. It was supposed to be a night of passion, a night of sexual exploration, and yet there they were sitting across from each other staring at the grains of wood on the table, unspoken and misunderstood. She wondered how to express herself without offending him. He wondered how to please her without asking.

Is he even listening?’ // ‘Does she even know what she wants?’

Their eyes caught briefly, then quickly fluttered away. He cleared his throat expecting to speak but words never found his lips. She looked at him ready to explain, but found herself exhausted at the thought of continuing. Then finally he spoke.

“Do you want me to be forceful?”

“No.” she replied.

“You want me to be confident?”


“You want me to be shy?”


“Then what, sad?” he asked, “Insecure?”

She stares at him with asinine eyes.

“I don’t want a superhero, and I don’t want a whiny little boy. The only thing I want is for the person to be themselves. And if that’s uncertain and neurotic then that’s fine. I just want it to be real.”

Real. She wondered what that meant to him. He wondered what that meant to her. They stared at each other unblinking and thought of how they could possibly save the evening. Save the moment. Save them.

And with a breathy sigh, they both knew that this wasn’t about role playing any longer.

Ex, Why, Z..

Dear Sex Sez,

I’m seeing a girl long distance and we said I love you to each other. It’s pretty serious and I want to end up with her, but my ex who lives in my area has been putting the moves on me and wants to get back. This other girl probably won’t be able to live with me for another year or two. Should I wait for her or try things with my ex and cut the other one loose?

Dear Ex, Why, Z;

Sounds to me that you’re taking the easy way out. You began your question saying that you love this girl that lives elsewhere, then you end it with a question like ‘cut the other one loose?’ The other one? If that’s all she is to you, I’m going to have a hard time believing that you actually love this girl. And if you can’t wait for her, then you especially don’t love her.

I do think you should let her go, but not because you should be with your ex. You should let her go because I think she deserves better.

– J // Sex Sez

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